My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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