He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
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Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
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He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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