i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
