Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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