i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
