theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
