i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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