i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
