the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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