I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
