I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
