i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
