One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
i've created a new STD.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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