Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
