last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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