I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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