"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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