I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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