so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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