genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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