So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
