I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
