I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
