Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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