i think my mom watched the whole time
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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