Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
