gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
