He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
