oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
