I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
