So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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