yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
