and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
