She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
