Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
