get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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