Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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