I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
