Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
