She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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