I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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