you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
