hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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