your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
