im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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