Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
