I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
