I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
