this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
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She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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