dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my phone needs a breathalizer
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
