I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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