I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
