I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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