There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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