Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
