he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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