He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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