That's when you crack a 10am beer
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
