the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
